I start heading back in the opposite direction only to get cocky and take a wrong turn. What did screw me over was following signs to engineering and wading through a host of radiation, only to be told I can’t access engineering until I’ve purged all the radiation. However, there are some floor signs, and even my lack of natural instinct with regards to direction can’t fuck up following signs on the floor. Naturally, I get lost inside the first few minutes, my muscle memory failing me to a degree I wasn’t expecting. Long straight passageways, filled with lethal amounts of gamma radiation and the occasional corpse. My other tactic of running behind corners to avoid shotgun-wielding foes is also going to be about as useful as a cock-flavoured lollipop, seeing as there are no fucking corners. I have a couple of radiation (or rad) hypos but not a lot else. What I do find, though, is a lot of narrow passageways filled with radiation – this does not play to my strengths. Polito also gave me the code to a door – something about hiding some supplies, but I’ll be lucky if I don’t get my face ripped off before I find it. If nothing else, I’ll need some anti-armour options and maybe something to buff my strength statistics so that ol’ yellow can swing into bloody action. I know from this deck I can expect an increased amount of turrets and Cyborg Midwives, both of which will be problematic. I still know very little about the OSA branch and my memories of the game start to fade out around this point. I mean, I know what to do with them – I need to spend the things – but on what is the problem. I got some more cyber modules before that though, adding to my enormous pile of cyber modules that I don’t know what to do with. Well he can fuck off – I’d rather join the Latter Day Saints. Polito chimes in that I need to get a wiggle on to get the elevators working but warns me that XERXES is now under ‘their’ control – I’m not really sure how the situation could get more fucked up really – then XERXES cuts her off and tells me it’s time, basically, join the collective. So, engineering has become flooded with radiation, which isn’t great for me seeing as I have the constitution of a jelly sandwich and I doubt ‘strange readings’ can be contributed to static on the radio. The finding of the severed arm goes hand in hand (no pun intended) with a couple of audio files – ‘strange readings’ coming from engineering and ‘concerns’ over radiation leaks – I suppose it was too much to hope that the ship was powered by fizzy sherbets and jawbreakers. Fucking hell, this isn’t going to be fun at all. Naturally, the first thing I see when arriving in the bowels of the ship is a severed arm and a wine bottle. Get to the core, flick the ‘on’ button and ride the elevator to victory. That shit can fuck clean off – no monkeys, no running around looking for Curly, Moe and Larry. This should be fairly straightforward and won’t require another round of ‘whose keycard is it anyway’ with Doctor Dickface and his pack of Ebola monkeys. My mission is a simple one – get to the engineering core and restore main power so that the elevators work again and I can get to Deck 4. After defeating the giant metal bitch that looked like Bender had fucked SpongeBob Squarepants, I made my way down the ladder to the lower decks. I’m on the Engineering deck and I’ve completely lost my sense of direction after having my ass filled with buckshot by some sneaky hybrid cockwomble – it was going fine until literally a few minutes ago, so perhaps we should take a step back and reassess just what the fuck happened. Just not even a little bit lost – totally fucking lost.
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